Incandescent
by chosen1destahnee
Summary: An introspective piece on how Ahsoka Tano and Darth Vader view each other after Siege of Lothal. If there's multiple chapters, that means this has been expanded into a redemption fic. Rated T because I'm paranoid for future violence
1. Introspective Intro

Incandescent

AN: The. Apprentice. Lives. Those three words broke me on Saturday. To think, last time Ahsoka saw Anakin he was the poster boy of the Clone Wars and a pleasant guy. Now, he's a self loathing mechanical monstrosity who knows nothing but suffering. How very tragic. To try and calm myself, and maybe other people, I wrote what I think each of them thinks of the other.

* * *

I reached out, trying to figure out who this presence was. It felt so…familiar, yet at the same time, so foreign. I focused on the presence, and felt something snap. No…no…no no no no NO! It can't be! There's no way HE could've turned into THAT. I begged for something to tell me it wasn't true, but never received the comforting disproval of the fact. How? How could something like this have happened? If I had stayed with the Jedi…could I have prevented this?

There's nothing I can do now. The flame has already been burned out, and I don't think I can reignite it. Not wanting to face reality, I let the cool darkness of unconsciousness take me

* * *

The Apprentice Lives. I had very mixed feelings about this. I spent the last fifteen years trying to erase all traces of my former self. To make it as if that naïve fool never existed. Now, another link to him has appeared. But, do I really want to destroy her? She never betrayed me, was always by my side. Even when I was clearly wrong. Part of me was oozing with pride that she'd survived. I taught her well. Even if I wanted to destroy her, she could probably take me on in a fair duel. Especially with this abomination holding me back.

I crushed that thought. No. No one can defeat me. I am a Sith, and a Sith has no time for useless emotions such as remorse and guilt. Then why are those the emotions that make up the very fabric of my soul? This revelation only strengthened that. But, I felt a…snippet (I laughed grimly at my pun) of hope. A small light in all the darkness. Alas, the darkness still ruled all. And as long as that's happening, hope means nothing.

* * *

AN: Okay…maybe that just made me feel worse. At least writing this was fun. If anyone is interested in me turning this into a full-on redemption fic, let me know. I'd be happy to do so.


	2. This is Where the Fun Begins

Incandescent Ch2

AN: I'm happy to say that I'm continuing this fic! I will not fail you guys on writing this well, I promise. Updating…that's another story. I'm a pretty busy person, so I don't have much time to write. And despite popular belief, vacation can be far more time consuming than school. I'll do my best though. If any quotes from Rebels that I use aren't 100% accurate, I apologize in advance. Enjoy!

* * *

It's over. A wave of relief washed over me and I took a deep breath. We've retreated, I can relax. Well, I thought I could. Ezra and Kanan came into the room, and started talking.

Kanan began, "So much fear, anger, hatred. I haven't felt a presence like that since-"

"Since the Clone Wars," I finished solemnly. Before they could question me more on the subject I added, "I'm going to rest a bit. If there's an emergency let me know."

I walked off, and tried to track down HIS presence. Why, I'm not sure. But I was doing it. I reached out and searched through space. Only to hit an incredibly strong wall. I'd never felt such well put together mental shields before. Clearly the owner was trying to shut someone- everyone out. And there's only one person I know with a reason to do that.

It makes perfect sense really. That suit cuts him off from the outside world, and he's decided to stay disconnected from everything for simplicities sake. But I could still slightly feel the raging hurricane of emotion behind the shields.

I took a deep breath, and did the unspeakable.

*Anakin?*

I internally freaked out. I did NOT just do that. Oh no, he's gonna rage out on me or something. I mentally prepared myself for the worst. But I wasn't prepared for what actually happened.

* * *

After my conversation with the emperor, I retreated to my chambers to meditate. At least, that's what my officers thought I was doing. I really was planning to stare at holos of the two women who were closest to me. Ah yes, the apprentice and the angel. My heart, the battered and broken thing that it was, clenched in my chest. Was I trying to torture myself? Probably. Just as my finger was about to touch the holo activator, I heard someone calling out to me.

*Anakin?*

I felt like I'd just been stabbed in the heart. That voice…so familiar, yet so sickeningly fearful. That fear doesn't belong in that voice.

'It's not the only thing that doesn't belong where it is' my thoughts whispered. I dismissed the foolish prospect and contemplated my response to this calling.

*Ahsoka?* I said back, trying not to seem as hesitant as I was.

My attempt was proven futile when her response came, *You hesitated. Is it because you don't want to have to explain THIS to me?*

Her boldness left me shell shocked. Some things don't change I suppose.

*Perhaps…* I said vaguely.

I'm almost positive she was rolling her eyes as she said, *What happened? If you don't tell me I'll find out anyways.*

She was right, but I wasn't giving in that easily, *I don't want to talk about it.*

*Okay then, you won't. Just send your thoughts to me.*

She had me trapped, so I tried one more desperate excuse, *You really don't wanna know. Trust me, I wish I didn't know. Amnesia would be a blessing for me.*

*Skyguy, Send. It. Now.* she demanded.

I just can't win at anything, *Fine, but don't say I didn't warn you.*

I gathered all memories of the worst day of my life (plus the days leading up to it) and transferred them across our bond, which was still one hundred percent intact after all these years.

* * *

He wasn't kidding. That was the most horrifying thing I have ever seen! It was tragic enough to be one of those holo dramas where most of the characters die and the survivors end up in awful situations. And Anakin's like the tragic fallen hero. The vision was cut short after I saw the flames settle down. Clearly there was more. But…he just didn't want me to see it. I'm grateful that he thought so.

I was astonished that he still had the ability to care about me enough to not show me the rest. And by how we were able to hold a pretty civil conversation without any "join the dark side" nonsense. After what I just saw, there is NO WAY I'm joining that wrinkled prune who calls himself the Emperor.

*I am so sorry,* is all I could say to describe how I felt.

*There is no need to apologize,* came the solemn response, *it was not your doing.*

*There's more to it isn't there. Clearly you don't want me to see it, but could you at least say that part?*

There was a pause, *My master rebuilt be into what I am now and…a-and…he uh, told me…that I, I had…*

*Can you finish your sentence?* I asked impatiently.

*HesaidIkilledPadméinmyanger.*

That almost drove me to the edge, *That nut told you WHA- where can we meet secretly in person.*

Vader was obviously taken aback by my sudden proposal (NOT A WEDDING PROPOSAL, I don't think he'll ever get over Padmé. He's staying single.), but pulled himself together and said, *Coruscant won't do…perhaps a planet where odd events are normal?*

He'd just played himself right into my hands, *How about where we had one of our first missions together? Tatooine, for old time's sake.* Weaknesses: exploited.

*Uhh…sure. I'll be there I guess,* was all I got. But that was all I needed.

*See you,* and I brought myself back to the real world. Did I just set up a Snips/Skyguy reunion? Actually, let me rephrase that. DID I JUST ARRANGE A MEETING WITH DARTH VADER ON A PLANET THAT SERVES AS A HAUNTING REMINDER OF HIS PAST?! That's better.

Yeah, I am so doomed.

* * *

AN: Yep, doesn't sound like the best of ideas Snips. But I'll admit, I'd probably do the same thing if not something stupider. Like breaking into Vader's weird egg thing instead of arranging a meeting. Man that would be cool! Anyways, please leave a review in that box, it's not that hard!


	3. Acceptance is the Key

Incandescent Ch3

AN: I'm gonna warn you guys. Things. Will. Get. Real. Not necessarily in this chapter, but in upcoming chapters. I won't make there any sudden miraculous happenings, but Star Wars IS known for plot twists (and Chewbaca. Never forget Chewbaca). I'm glad you all enjoyed the last chapter and Guest, I fixed the error for you. Thanks for pointing it out. Here's the chapter!

* * *

Being on the run is something I'm used to. But trying to get away from a group that you're on the run with is something else entirely. And trying to meet up with enemy number 1 only makes things harder. I had to give a good reason, one that everyone would believe without insisting that they go with me.

Two words. Jedi. Business.

And when anyone asked…

"Can we come?"

"No Ezra, this is something I have to do alone," is how I responded. Technically I wasn't lying. Meeting with your deranged ex-master is a private event.

With my reason for leaving covered, I left for Tatooine. In the Twilight. Which I somehow found in some old hangar. It's a small galaxy after all. Chances are I'll run into Obi-Wan at some point too. Wherever he is.

I looked at the pilots seat, where Anakin used to sit, and sighed. In my head I could still see him there, making a snarky remark while flying with his eyes closed. He was such a hot shot. But I loved him for it.

Those days have passed now, but maybe we can get them started again. I almost laughed. Darth Vader, being sassy. There's something you wouldn't expect to see. Ever.

With that funny mental image in mind, I set course for the old dust ball and let the stars turn to streaks as the Twilight went to hyperspace.

* * *

Perhaps I should have thought this through. Technically, I was committing treason by meeting Ahsoka on Tatooine. But what do I care about more, her or the Empire? I wrestled with the question for a while, then decided it wouldn't hurt to see her just this once. What's the worst potential outcome?

Actually, the Emperor would punish me greatly (clearly he doesn't care that I'm already a deformed freak) if he were to find out. He is my master, I must obey him.

'Anakin, don't say things like that!'

And there was Padmé's disembodied voice to make me feel guilty about…practically everything. Weaker men would commit suicide or at least go cry in the corner at this painful reminder. I may or may not have done the second option once…twice…three times… What? I'm a walking tragedy, sue me.

But today, I'll be strong. Not for the Empire or the Emperor. For Ahsoka. Because she never tortured me with lightening for slipping up. She would simply give advice or encouragement, then get me to stop moping and move my butt.

Now, I'm moving my butt to Tatooine.

Wait, did I just say "butt"? Like, multiple times? Now I'm saying "like" in unnecessary places! Oh force, her naïvety is rubbing off on me already.

Oh well.

* * *

I never thought I'd be glad to feel conflict. Throughout my trip, I felt Anakin's overwhelming presence. It was a perfect storm, light breaking through darkness and regaining control. And to think the Jedi all thought there was no turning back from the dark side (Revan much?)! But that was probably the easiest part. Talking with him face-to-face had the potential of being far more difficult.

I landed the Twilight near a cave on the dust ball, just incase shelter was needed. I spun around in the pilots chair until I heard the sound of another ship landing. He's here. I internally freaked out and straightened out my tunic, trying to look more professional. I got out of the old rust bucket and approached the sleek white shuttle.

Here goes nothing.

I stood at where the ramp SHOULD have stretched out, waiting for the sound of heavy breathing and metal boots meeting metal floors. It never came. Something was clearly up. I activated one of my lightsabers and made myself an entrance. The inside of the ship was just as monotone as the outside. Except for the smoke coming from another room.

I entered, 'sabers blazing, to find myself staring at a black wall. But, it wasn't actually a wall. I didn't know that though. So I poked it. And it, or should I say HE, reacted.

I have never seen someone flinch so violently before. I'm not even sure you could call it a flinch. The "wall" turned around and I found myself staring into the mask of death.

I tried to say something but no words came out. From the fact that I heard seven breathing cycles, I imagine the same thing was happening for him too.

"Why did I see smoke when I came in here?" I asked.

The mask conveyed no emotion as he moved towards the side and motioned towards some weird flaming pod.

"My last mechanic was an idiot," was the synthesized response I received.

THAT is what his voice sounds like now? I know it's just a voice modifier but…it's really creepy to think of how it used to sound, and then hear THAT. Well, at least he was TRYING to be funny.

"On a scale of one to ten?" I questioned.

"What would you rate a man who can't tell matches from power couplings?" Vader asked.

"That bad? Wow. I have to say a thirty six."

"Reasonable."

This would be the part where we'd laugh a little, but we didn't.

"Do you have a fire extinguisher?" I asked.

"Yet another reason for that thirty six. The mechanic forgot to put it in," Vader replied.

"Seriously?" I exclaimed, "How'd that guy even get a job?"

Vader nodded, "A relevant question indeed. Perhaps the Emperor likes morons. His most favored men fall into that category."

That's when I attempted gentle teasing, "So, I guess that means you and ol' Palps aren't on the best of terms. You aren't a TOTAL moron after all."

I didn't get the laugh or comeback I was hoping for. "I beg to differ actually. I've made some choices I most certainly regret, and I've paid the price for it. All these years I've tried to blame someone else for the course of events that led me to be who I am now, but it's really just my fault. Because I AM a total moron," Vader said, with an evident sadness to his voice. His helmet tilted down so he was looking at the floor.

I was taken aback by this. I really didn't expect him to start doing any confessing, much less getting emotional. What if I had accidentally upset him? I think I did, and that was the very last thing I had wanted to do. The fire was catching, but I didn't want to ruin the moment. In fact, I decided to make the moment.

"So you screwed up a bit, okay maybe a lot, but you shouldn't let that label you for life. You have the right to make your own choices and to change the path fate has laid out for you. It may not be written in Imperial law, but it's your right as an organic being. No one should be able to order you around like their slave. I once met a very special person, and he taught me that you need stand up for what you truly believe in, even if it means breaking the rules," I said encouragingly.

That earned me eye contact, and a hand on my shoulder, "He must be very proud of you, wherever he is."

"Then why don't you bring him over."

I can imagine his eyes widened under the mask. "I see what you're doing," he began, and I worried everything would go down the drain, "and I'm afraid there's little chance of it working."

"Then why don't you try to do what you used to do best and take a chance?"

* * *

When I first turned to the dark side, my world was turned upside down in a matter of hours. Now, talking to someone from my past life, it's been turned upside down again. In a perfect world, that would been it was right side up again. But clearly, I don't live in a perfect world.

"I-I-I…I'm sorry Ahsoka, but I just, I-" I tried to explain it, but failed.

"You what?"

"I don't know how. In fact, I don't know who am I anymore. Or who I'm supposed to be. Or really ANYTHING. Can't you see that I'M A LOST CAUSE!" I screamed.

There was a dead silence, not including my breathing, which had quickened significantly. The fire had died and Ahsoka was staring at me. What had I done? Had I just, let it out? All of my long buried sadness and pain, breaking through the walls I'd built and kept up for fifteen years? The damage was done, my defenses were destroyed. There was nothing left to keep me from doing the one thing I'd really needed to do the whole time. Cry.

"I'm sorry," I sobbed, salty tears falling down my scarred face, "I'm just not accustomed to others caring about m-m-me. I-I didn't know how to react a-and I was so confused and lost and…I'm sorry for becoming such a terrible person. If you want to go, I understand. I wouldn't want to be around me either."

Ahsoka sighed and took my hand in hers, "Anakin, now you're gonna make me cry. There's nothing you need to be sorry for, you were manipulated by an evil mastermind. It wasn't your fault. Now look at me." I did, and she frowned. "I wish I could see your face. With that awful mask on, I feel like I'm talking to a wall."

'That's right. I'm not human any more, and I never will be again,' I thought.

Ahsoka seemed to realize she'd accidentally brought on more of my self deprecating thoughts, and continued, "But then I look into your heart, and it's the most human thing I've ever seen. Part of being human, is struggle. With that lava river and this suit, you're on life support aren't you? You struggle just to make it through each hour! Add that to the emotional pain, you're practically the very image of humanity. Just on a very high scale. A person who's been through tough times, stays strong through those tough times, and as you proved today; gets emotional. The only thing missing, is your independence. So, what do you say?"

She'd just offered me the one thing I'd been wanting my whole life. To be truly free. And accepting that it's possible is the key to making that happen. I realized that. The idea still seemed incredulous. Me, Darth Vader, the baddest Imperial of them all, rebelling against the Empire I helped to create. But the ideals of the Empire were even crazier. Meaning terrible.

"You're stuck with me Snips," I answered.

Next thing I knew, she'd wrapped her arms around me and said, "I knew you'd come through! The Jedi were wrong, there it IS possible to come back from the dark side!"

Acceptance is the key to be truly free. Ahsoka had accepted me, and I did the same for her. With my heart beating in my chest, I watched as the golden gates of opportunity opened up to me for the first time.

* * *

AN: For any of you who've read my work before, you knew I wouldn't be able to keep him on the dark side for long. In fact, this is a new record. I managed to keep Anakin as Vader for about 2.5 chapters. My old record was only around 0.5. What? I like my chosen ones to be on the side I'm rooting for. This is my longest chapter so far by the way. As always, please leave a review. Your input can actually be very helpful if you say what you liked and give suggestions. I take the reviews into consideration when I write.


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